The following is a list of quotes from the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing. This is listed alphabetically by character.
- Coco Bandicoot
- Crunch Bandicoot
- Doctor N. Gin
- Doctor Neo Cortex
- Nina Cortex
- Pasadena O'Possum
- Von Clutch
- Chick Gizzard Lips & Stew
Willie Wumpa Cheeks
- "Perhaps a riddle or two!"
- "Heedely-hidely-ho! To the statue you must go! This way or that, fall down, you go 'splat!' And everyone thinks you're a shmoe!"
- [introducing the Mystery Island world] "Yo ho ho and a bottle of Wumpa Whip! Ahoy mateys! Batten down your hatches and swab my poop deck says I! Avast there ye slobs! Salty adventure awaits ye beyond these cursed portals o'doom! Hahahaha!"
- [after Chick and Stew's introduction to the Happily After Faster world] "Now click your heels three times and repeat after me: I do believe in the stinking beauty, I do believe in the stinking beauty, I do!"
- [introducing the Tyrannosaurus Wrecks world] "What horrors for you are in store, great beasts and volcanoes galore! As I say with a grin, try hard, you might win, though your butt will probably be sore. Hee hee hee!"
- [introducing the Tomb Town world] "Awaken not angry spirits that lie within, grave robber! Beyond the ancient vault of gold and family jewels awaits a profaned prophecy for those who disturb the mummy's slumber! Ha, ha! Don't wake daddy either!"
- "Oh! That's it! I've had it! You people are dumber than a sack of hammers! It's me! Meeee! I tell you!
- "Don't you get it? Meeee!"
- "And I would've succeeded too, if it wasn't for you meddling bandicoots! And now the time is nigh, it's really do or die! This stone in my sack proves Von Clutch is a hack! And you can look for me in the sky! Hahahahaha! So long, suckers!"
- [trying to get the "rocket" to launch] "Come on, come on, don't do this to me!"
- "Hey! Who are you calling 'sour'?!"
When attacked by Crash
- "Be nice!"
- "This is the tenth time today this has happened, I swear!"
- "I'm only sending you four Christmas cards this year!"
- "I need a sick day."
- "Uh huh, I bruise easily!"
- (Screams like a girl.)
- "I'll spit out Wumpa Whip when I'm darn-good-n'-ready!"
- "I'll sauce your apples for that!"
When interacting with Crash
- "Well hello there little man. I'm Willie Wumpa Cheeks!"
- "Crash Bandicoot, what a surprise, have a tall one from me!"
- "Hello Crashiepooh! I know you're a big fan. Want an autograph?"
- "Hey buddy, step aside! Can't you see I'm working here?"
- "Hey kid you're cramping my style. Beat it! This is my corner!"
- "Hey paley. You look thirsty and I'm brimming with Wumpa Whip. What are the chances?"
- "Wumpa Cheeks is the name! Sour juice is my game!"
- "Uh-oh, sorry but the Wumpa Pumpa is all dried out! Heh heh."
- "Why hello...say didn't I just meet you a minute ago?"
- "Crash Bandicoot! I'll tempt your tummy with a taste of Wumpa and Honey!"
- "Hello again Crash. We have to stop meeting like this!"
- "Hey, there, hi, there, ho, there! Want a frothy, body temperature cup of Wumpa Whip?"
"Hey, you! Crash Bandicoot! Hey, yeah, listen! I've got a deal for you! Yesterday, some adventurer schmuck that he could race the tracks 'and find the missing power gems'! Oh! Well there ain't much left of him except these slightly used adventurer duds. [laughs] I'd give them to you, but 'I got little gas masks to feed'! Oh! And the suit won't cost you a treasure. Get it?"
"Hey, Crash, what happened? Didn't I tell you that I gots little gas masks to feed? Have you any idea how much a gas mask breathes these days?! Sheesh! Come back when you have more coins, okay?
"Come on kid, that still ain't enough! You're killing me! This suit is fresh I tells ya! [sniffs] Yep, still fresh! Oh! Come back and see me when you have more coins.
"OK kid, one more time! Read my lips, YOU NEED MORE COINSSSSSSSS! These adventurer costumes don't grow on trees, Crash!"
"Hey there, look at what we got here now! This is what I call a fair price! Get it? I gotta hand it to you kid, you're gonna look pretty sharp! I just hope you do better than that suit's last occupant. Don't ask me what happened."
"Crash, you want my crystal? Good and cheap like new, but not- used very little. You give me coins, I give to you."
"What is this? [laughs] You make me laugh! Surely is joke, no? To offer such small monies for so wonderful a thing! You are, how you say, eh, an idiot."
"Uh again, you come here and bother me. Why? Are you lonely or just stupid? I think stupid!"
"Oh just do what I ask! There is fur on your brain too, I think.
"Oh, big spender with lots of money wants to buy beautiful crystal, no? Is good! Now I retire to fabulous island and never return to this trash-heap country! Look, little buddy, we're there to put your granny in soap bubbles, you call that space program? I laugh! [laughs]
Happily After Faster
"Yay, verily sir! Art thou having a fine time in Stinkabelle's kingdom? Perhaps a souvenir of your visit is in order. I dare say your sister wouldst well love this fine outfit."
"It means these clothes are nice, so you should buy them for your sister, idiot."
"Forgive me, kind idiot, but I fear thine purse is too light to buy these clothes. Return when thine money has become grand."
"It means you don't have enough money, chump, so beat it before I scalp you and take a gander at your brain."
"Privee nave, may have you should heed my words and get out of here already!"
"I'm through talking with you my fuzzy sir. I've known cheeses with more common sense! Get more coins and return post-haste."
"Good sir, thou has done a great thing this day! Thine sister will dance hither and yon in these beautiful robes!"
"Oh just get out of here you freak!"
"I know what you're thinking. You thinking 'there's one of Von Clutch's workers! I'll bet he's got a Power Crystal for sale!' Well I do, but, eh, that's no reason to be a jerk about it, jerk!
"So now you're back to taunt me, is that it? You don't have enough coins, but you're trying to buy this crystal! What a jerk, jerk!
"And here's the jerk, back for his jerky jerkedness, on the morning train to Jerktown, population: jerk!"
"And fresh from Jerktown, it's Jerky McJerk, jerkin' along back from Jerktown, with two full bags of being a jerk! Go get the coins, jerk!
"Whoo hoo! Look at the big spender, offering me money for my crystal! Don't hurt yourself there buddy when you hand that money over! Hehehehe, jerk."
"Hello there, sir! Step right up and buy yourself a genuine Power Crystal. Made with only the finest power and crystal, this is a beautiful example of the species, and can be yours for only a small sum of coins."
"And what's wrong with you boy? Must've had trouble in school, when they told you what numbers were bigger than other numbers. Run along fuzzy, you bother me."
"Again you come back to me. Why boy, why? Do I have a dog biscuit or beaver cookie in my pocket or something? Away with you, already!"
"Now look, its the beaver! What are you doing here B? Don't you have a dam to build or something? Get me those coins, boy!"
"There you are my good boy! Run along now, and enjoy this Power Crystal as I have."
"Greetings, Crash Bandicoot. You are seeking a change of appearance that will magnify your persona with the young ones, am I correct? I believe this 'hip-hop' type of outfit will serve that function, nicely! Tend to the correct amount of Wumpa Coin currency and you will be all that!"
"Perhaps I was not clear on the proper purchase amount of these fine threads of clothing, jerk! You shall return to the land and bring back the correct amount of currency!"
"This transaction appears to have complications. You haven't the proper amount of Wumpa Coins to achieve the 'hip-hop' superstardom you hope to seek. Come back when you have more funds."
"This is growing tiresome. Please tend to the correct amount of cash, homeboy! In case you have not noticed, this is not a charity! Be gone with you, I'm out!"
"Congratulations! This is the moment you have longed for! You will be moonwalking and doing the robot before you know it! Worrrrrd!"
When attacked by Crash
- "Now I'll never have little kids!"
- "What's the big idea?"
- "You broke my coccyx, that's my bum bone!"
- "I'm calling the Henchman Abuse Hotline!"
- "Bad dog! Bad dog!"
- "Ow! Malfunction!"
- "Ow! My professor!"
- "Ow! My circuits!"
- "Ohh! My cossacks!"
- "Ouch! Oh! No! Please! Don't do that!"
- "I get used to this kind of abuse."
- "I broke my arm, get me a panda bear!"
- Neo Cortex's quote "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!" is a pun on the "Drat, drat, and double drat" quote from Wacky Races.
- Neo Cortex's quote about standing out "like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool" is a reference to the movie Caddyshack, in which someone dropped a Baby Ruth in a pool, making everyone divert their attention (as they thought it was poop).
- One of Cortex's quotes is, "I would've hit him, but this game is rated E." This line was likely recorded prematurely, as the game is rated E10+ in America.
- One of Coco's quotes is "Aww, derryberries!", which refers to the surname of the actress who plays Coco and may additionally pun SpongeBob's common phrase "Oh barnacles!" at the same time. Also, another one of her quotes is "Well there's a fine how-do-you-do" which is similar to one of Wallace's quotes from the Wallace & Gromit television series.
- Stew's quote "Ol' Stewbie-doo needs a little help from you." is a reference to Scooby-Doo.
- Another Scooby-Doo reference is when Willie Wumpa Cheeks says, "And I would've succeeded too, if it wasn't for you meddling bandicoots!", which is a spoof of a recurring line from the show.
- Another Scooby-Doo reference is when Cortex says "Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!" after sometimes breaking a track-side target. "Jinkies!" is a word commonly said by Velma when she discovers something or is surprised.
- Chick's quote "Holy original recipe!" is a reference to KFC.
- N. Gin's quote "That's not a moon, that's a space station" is a reference to Obi Wan Kenobi's line from Star Wars Episode IV.
- Von Clutch's quote "That was done on a closed track by a professional driver" is a reference to the disclaimer shown on many car commercials.
- Another of Von Clutch's quotes is a reference to the song "Who Let the Dogs Out" by Baha Men.
- Yet another Von Clutch quote is a reference to the song "It's My Party" by Lesley Gore.
- A crystal-selling drone says the word "jerk" 17 times during his conversation with Crash.