This is a list of quotes said by
Doctor Neo Cortex in . ( Crash Tag Team Racing video 1), ( video 2).
"Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!" (Hit by chicken thrown by Crash)
"What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?"
"Well tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination."
(Reply to N-Gin's comment about turning Von Clutch's Motorworld into a new base of operations) Yes. A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots all at the same time!"
"So, if I win you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?"
(When Willie Wumpa Cheeks makes his first appearance) "Holy cannoli! (Jumps behind N-Gin) What is that thing?"
"Okay Von Clutch we're in. Where do we start?"
"I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks, and it should be me!"
"Curses. Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, Curses, CURSES!"
"Those retched bandicoots foiled my plan to take over this amusement enterprise!"
(Reply to N-Gin giggling insanely) "Stop having fun! Oblierate them!"
(When his shot fails) "What?"
(When Crash throws a chicken into his ship's engine) "I hate chicken."
(When his ship starts malfunctioning) "We'll meet again Crash Bandicoooottttt! (Voice fades away)
"Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... my head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!"
"Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you'll need to get me something black and fetching!"
"Ugh... Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go... Go on... Fetch!"
"Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser to the eyeball time!"
"Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever is behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it."
"Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, would you bring them to me?"
"Oh, good. It will make your sister so happy."
"Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!!"
"Crash, why are you back here? You're making me very... uh... You're making your sister sad..."
"Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?"
" SHUT UP!! Get me that gear!"
"You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every Bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!"
"Ohhhh, Crash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass uh... helping people. Can you bring me Crystals to fuel my latest creation and... help as many people as possible?"
"Crash, you blithering imbecilic boob! How am I supposed to destro... help you Bandicoots without enough Power Crystals? Get moving, hairball!"
"Maybe I wasn't clear, Crash. If I'm going to... help the people of the world, I need those Power Crystals! Good ones! These weapons of mass helping people don't build themselves, you know!"
"Oh yes, that's right. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!"
"Ohhhh, long, firm Power Crystals to fuel my new rampaging creation. Meet me on the racetracks Crash. And I will show you a real car."
When interacting with Crash
"Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"
"Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here."
"Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"
"Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those palates are doing wonders for your figure."
"Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot."
"Hello Crash. It's always a torture- uh, I mean pleasure to see you."
"Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"
"Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!"
"Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife."
"Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!"
"Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime."
"Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!"
When attacked by Crash
"I thought you liked me!"
"It's juvie all over again!"
"Just back off, man!"
"Nobody makes me bleed from there!"
"Oh, the pain of it all!"
"Stop it, please!"
"The pain! The sweet pain!"
"When I get my ray gun, you're through!"
"Why me?! I'm so pretty!"
"Why would you do that?!"
"You can't do that to me! No one can!"
When starting a race
"After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."
"Attention, everyone! Follow me!"
"Fill 'er up and check my oil!"
"How much longer till we get there?!"
"I bore easily. Do try and keep up."
"It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep an interesting."
"May the best cheat win!"
"My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop."
"Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."
"Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"
"Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"
"Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"
"This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!"
"Keep the root beer on ice. This won't take long."
"Wait, wait! I'm not buckled in!"
When starting from a standstill
"1.2 gigawatts of power!"
"Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!"
"Down, boy! Steady!"
"Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"
"Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!"
"I am Cortex, hear me roar!"
"I feel the need! The need for acceleration!"
"I just love when that happens."
"Impressive! Most impressive!"
"I've got lots of torque! And I'm not afraid to use it!"
"Ladies react very favorable to that."
"Mad scientist coming through!"
"Nice skid marks!"
"Oh, I love that rumbling sensation!"
"Rolling rolling rolling!"
"Such power! Such speed! I'm quite a catch!"
"Who's your daddy?"
When passing by an opponent vehicle
"Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!"
"Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!"
"Hahaha! I'm funky fresh, and beautiful!"
"You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! -belch-"
"Ain't my backside pretty?"
"Make way for Agent Beauty!"
"Who's your daddy?"
"And to think, I didn't meet the height requirements for this ride -chuckles-"
"Little do they know, I flunked driver's ed."
"Bow before my rancid villainy!"
"Tell me, how does losing feel?"
When passed by an opponent vehicle
"Hey, you! Mr. ... guy!"
"You, filthy peon, get back here so I can whack you!"
"Hey, come on! I really need to get there first!"
"Now, that's a good way to taste the back of my hand."
"Hey! Don't make me pull this car over!"
"Oh I'll get you for that! Get you good!"
"Apparently they don't realize I'm supposed to win!"
"Perhaps it's time to start racing."
"You ain't all that."
"Where's the highway patrol when you need them?"
"Back off, homeboy!"
"Oh, that's not a very nice thing to do."
"I just know my hair tuffs are causing wind drag."
"Somebody's not aware that I'm the king of the road!"
"Oh, I get it. One of us is supposed to come in first!"
When carrying an item
"With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."
"Haha! Jewels! More jewels!"
"Crystals are a doctor's best friend."
"This will surely come in handy for evil."
"That's great! What's it for?"
"Now the circle of pain is complete."
"Oh would you look at that? A present!"
"The power! The power!"
"Oh, how excellent!"
"Every mad scientist's dream."
"I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place."
"No one will ever take this from me. No one!"
"I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."
"Begin quivering with excitement."
"Powers of Cortex, activate!"
"Better me than any of those other nitwits."
"I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually."
"Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?"
"I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"
"Hahaha! The wonderful power!"
"Mine! Mine! All mine!"
"I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."
"I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!"
"Another for the collection!"
When brushing against an opponent vehicle
"Save the brain!"
"Mad scientists have the right of way... Jerk!"
"I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'."
"I skinned my knee!"
"Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!"
"Hmm... I must have my contacts checked."
"My great skills of nearsightedness caused that!"
"I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."
"This is just great!"
"Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?"
"Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!"
"Excuse me gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!"
"That had better not have been on purpose, you!"
"Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?"
"Watch the paint, watch the paint!"
"Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!"
"Blast you, Sunday driver!!"
"That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!"
"Send a bill to the office!"
"There goes my good insurance rate!"
"Why does this always happen to me?"
"Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!"
"Ugh! You're a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
"Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?"
"Now how did that not end in a fiery death?"
"I think I wet myself!"
"Going to need a new kidney from my organ donor clone!"
"Hey there! Watch where I'm driving!"
"Was that trip really necessary?"
"Stop your whining! I'm insured!"
"Scum off, bat-bag! I mean... oh, never mind."
"Where's your sense of decency, man!?"
"I'm calling my mommy on you!"
"Hey! That hurt!"
"Ta-ta! You should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!"
"Hey there! Watch where I'm going!"
"Don't try that at home, kiddies!"
"Come back here and plow into me like a man!"
"Sometimes I feel like a motherless Cortex..."
"You're just making it worse for yourself."
"Hey, hey, I'm driving here!"
"Come on, Cortex, you can do better than that!"
"That surely shaved a year or so off my life!"
"That was a close shave... with razor bumps!"
"Excuse me, buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?"
"Wow, that was fun, and a little scary too."
"Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!"
"Relax, Cortex. You know their weakness-- Doomsday weapons!"
"Such violence in a children's park! Tsk! Tsk!"
"That was more painful than it looked! Really."
"Mmph!! I swallowed my beard!"
"Now why in the world was that necessary?"
"Why did I ever remove that wonderful cow catcher?"
"Nothing like a soothing drive in the country..."
"I'll bet he won't have to shave for a week!"
"How in the world did I miss that lollygagger?"
"Choke on my exhaust, pedestrian scum!"
When brushing against a wall
"¿Dónde están mis pantalones?"
"Great! I just washed this vehicle!"
"Summon my proctologist!"
"Somebody get me a tissue!"
"How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"
"Not my baby!"
"Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait, I probably shouldn't say that."
"Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"
"Aaaahhhh!! My car!"
"Is this the price of victory?"
"I don't like this part of the race much."
"Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"
"Oh, now who put that there?"
"Hit me! Do I not bleed?"
"Noooooo! I love this car!"
"Oh the humanity!"
When flying through the air
"It's the only way to fly!"
"Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"
"I always was the best student at evil medical school."
"This is great, but re-entry can be rough."
"If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"
"Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"
"Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"
"Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!"
"Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"
"Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!"
"Up up and away!"
"Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"
"Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!"
When attacking an opponent vehicle
"How did that deliciousness taste?"
"Taste my smoldering intellect!"
"I shouldn't enjoy this so much!"
"That's just wrong! But it sure feels right."
"Ha ha ha. Just like back in Da Nang!"
"Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!"
"Back you animals!"
"Now that had to hurt! Ehhahaha!"
"I hope you enjoy the taste of hot vengence."
"Yes! Chalk up another point for scum and villiany!"
"Ingest the sugary goodness of my evil!"
"The next one is going right up your nose."
"Fiery ordinance, the gift that keeps on giving."
"My skills are honed like a spride jungle cat! Meow!"
When destroying an opponent vehicle
"Oh! Now I do feel guilty about that one!"
"It's so good to be so bad."
"Don't worry, that was a mercy killing."
"It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs!"
"You have met my destiny! Nice, isn't it?"
"Now you know who the real mad scientist is!"
"I'd say he's not operational. ..hehehe..."
"Ohh, I did a bad thing! Eeheehee."
"So sorry! Not!"
"Chalk off another booby!"
"Another shrimp on the barbie!"
"You win some, you lose some."
"Next time, just call in sick."
"Everyone's gotta go sometime!"
"I visit upon you terrible friction!"
"Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!"
When destroyed by an opponent vehicle
"I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!"
"You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"
"Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?"
"I hope none of my henchmen saw that."
"I'm all brains and no gas."
"Evil madman-- Will work for shiny new vehicle!"
"Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school."
"Waiter! Check, please!"
"Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?"
"Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!"
"I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."
"Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!"
"I don't deserve this!"
"How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"
"Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!"
When hit by a weapon
"Well, there's sportsmanship for you."
"Fool! Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
"Hey, when I hit you, I didn't mean you could hit back!"
"Ohhh, the pain!!"
"Ohhh!! I lost my ATM card!"
"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team?"
"Sheesh! I'd rather be a hammer than a nail!"
"Ahhhhhaa! I wet my pants!"
"That's it! I want my money back!"
"I wonder if that will affect my lease agreement."
"Stop that! Only villians get to shoot at people!"
"Two can play that game weasel!"
"You're mean you know that? Meanie!"
"Is that any way to treat a feeble old man?"
"We're a peaceful planet. We have no weapons!"
When breaking a trackside target
"Ooh! I hope there's something devilish in there!"
"I just adore that sound. Don't you?"
"Goodies! Goodies for me!"
"Smashing just happens to be one of my specialties."
"I saw it first!"
"What I don't use I can sell on the Internet."
"They don't build crates like they used to."
"Oh... um... Coco did it."
"Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!"
"I feel so... satisfied...."
"Whoopsie, my bad!"
"Now that's why I chose to be a bad guy!"
"Crumble, you fool!"
"Cortex giveth and Cortex taketh away."
"Put your hands up and give me the goods!"
"Break open and shine riches upon me!"
"What does my fortune say, sweet little cookie?"
"A golden shower of riches for me!"
When running over a park drone
"An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!"
"Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!"
"Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"
"It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."
"Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"
"Officer, he just walked right onto the road!"
"I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!"
"I really ought to go back and pick him up. Not!"
"My, my, was that you?"
"Take that, animatronic booby!"
"Yes! 10 points!"
"Oops! Sorry! hehe..."
"Chalk off another roadkill!"
"Trust me, this is good for both of us."
"Together, you and I will do very bad things."
"Wow, that felt good!"
"My heavens, we got us a convoy!"
"Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"
"Now move a little to the left... That's better."
"I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!"
"Now this is what I call a Sports Utility Vehicle!"
"How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"
"You're chassis or mine?"
"Not bad! We need to see each other more often."
"Like my parasitic twin used to say, 'Two heads are better than one!'"
"You know how to shoot, don't you? Just curl your finger around the trigger and pull."
"It's obvious. We were meant to be together."
"Can you sense the antici....pation?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"
"And I'm spent."
"Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster."
"Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!"
"Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"
"I can't be seen with you. I just can't."
"Look, I think we should see other people."
"I've had it with you, meddling kid!"
"Stay away from me, you freak!"
"Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!"
"You're just not...evil enough for me."
When winning a race
"Who let the canines out? Woof, Woof, Woof!"
"You want to try that again, smarty pants?"
"Ohh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."
"Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!"
"Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!"
"I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach."
"Really, you should go and find an easier target than me."
"Now, now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity-- Me!"
"Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?"
"Is I good or is I good?"
"Can I purchase that big pink teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"
"Bow before the master of speed and deliquency!"
"Better luck next time, loser!"
"You must be Agent 00 Zero -- Licensed to miss."
"Trust me, it's easier when you don't suck pig toes."
"Close, but no long cigar."
"Hahaha! Sweet victory! Alright, what'd I win?"
"Yes, yes, hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks."
"Sweet, sweet victory!"
"The doctor is in!"
"Oh, I just love success."
"In the battle between good and evil, evil always wins. Because good is dumb."
"And daddy thought I'd amount to nothing."
"Okay, where's my showcase? Where's my showcase?"
"I owe it all to you, my unworthy opponents."
"Is this where I win my lifetime supply of used nose plugs?"
"Yes, yes. Throw the losers to the rabid hogs."
When losing a race
"That's just wrong in every sense of the word!"
"I'm just softening you up for my souffle o' pain."
"I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame..."
"I'm such a sore loser! ... Anyone have any chewable aspirin?"
"Where did my training fail me?"
"Haha! Yes! Err... Oh. I meant to do that."
"Haha! ... Actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out... dude."
"Well, really, I'm more of a tiddlywinks man..."
"Obviously I'm in a generous mood today.."
"Oh well. It's everyone else's fault but mine."
"Just as I suspected. Losing isn't everything."
"Next time I'll miss you a little closer!"
"Scram all you want, but you're going to get your medicine."
"I have plenty more where that came from!"
"As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first."
" -sob- I've been robbed!"
"Well, who's stupid idea was this anyhow?"
"Oh, why did I even bother?"
"Oh, how will I ever face.... mother...?"
"You know, there's never a time machine around when you need one."
"Perhaps my evil plan needs to be... eviler... um... yeah."
"Oh well, winning is for losers anyhow."
"What are you looking at, buster? It sure isn't my fault!"
"Somedays it just doesn't pay to leave your iceberg lair."
"Oh, the agony of defeat!"
"Always a bridesmaid and never... uh... nevermind."
"Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole."
"Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that."
"Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?"
"Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world."
"Trevor Lim would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."
"Darren would like to thank no one. He did it all himself!"
"Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"
"Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now."
"Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe!"
(Reply to N. Gin's comment about the guy getting all the chicks) "Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!"
(Reply to N. Gin talking about the Gmail) "Uh, hold on! Let me get my pen!"
"Ian says thank you, Mom, Dad, and David. How...sickening!"
"Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!"
"Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."
"Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!"
"And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."
"And Bill Farmer, if only he were one."
"Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality."
"And Duane Shephard. Nobody says ********* with such authority."
"Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Ahaha!"
"And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!"
"Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."
"I knew I shouldn't have woken up this morning. Curses me!"
"I just know there has to be more to life than this..."
"If only my daddy had not dropped me on my soft spot..."
"Well, of course I'm certain! Wait... Someone might see me talking to myself. Act natural..."
"This and a pair of meat shoes and we're in business!"
"All my life I've waited for Crash's love... I can wait some more."
"I wonder where I get my film processed here..."
"This place is a rather large scam if you ask me."
"Von Clutch is a ninny! He must know I always cheat!"
"Honestly, it's not the glory I'm after. It's the cash!"
"How about some waffles?"
"Why am I surrounded by idiots?"
"I'm so glad that Uka Uka is not in this game. That floating fascist!"
"I made shoes out of Dingodile!"
"Oh, put a sock in it!"
"One day I will have Tawna as my trophy wife."
"Did you know that in Japan, Wumpas are just apples?"