List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing said by Doctor Neo Cortex

This is a list of quotes said by Doctor Neo Cortex in Crash Tag Team Racing. (video 1), (video 2).

Cutscenes

• "Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!" (Hit by chicken thrown by Crash)
• "What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?"
• "Well tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination."
• (Reply to N-Gin's comment about turning Von Clutch's Motorworld into a new base of operations) Yes. A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots all at the same time!"
• "So, if I win you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?"
• (When Willie Wumpa Cheeks makes his first appearance) "Holy cannoli! (Jumps behind N-Gin) What is that thing?"
• "Okay Von Clutch we're in. Where do we start?"
• "I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks, and it should be me!" 
• "Curses. Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, Curses, CURSES!"
• "Those retched bandicoots foiled my plan to take over this amusement enterprise!"
• (Reply to N-Gin giggling insanely) "Stop having fun! Oblierate them!"
• (When his shot fails) "What?"
• (When Crash throws a chicken into his ship's engine) "I hate chicken."
• (When his ship starts malfunctioning) "We'll meet again Crash Bandicoooottttt! (Voice fades away)

Missions

• "Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... my head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!"
• "Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you'll need to get me something black and fetching!"
• "Ugh... Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go... Go on... Fetch!"
• "Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser to the eyeball time!"
• "Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever is behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it."
• "Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, would you bring them to me?"
• "Oh, good. It will make your sister so happy."
• "Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!!"
• "Crash, why are you back here? You're making me very... uh... You're making your sister sad..."
• "Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?"
• "SHUT UP!! Get me that gear!"
• "You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every Bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!"
• "Ohhhh, Crash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass uh... helping people. Can you bring me Crystals to fuel my latest creation and... help as many people as possible?"
• "Crash, you blithering imbecilic boob! How am I supposed to destro... help you Bandicoots without enough Power Crystals? Get moving, hairball!"
• "Maybe I wasn't clear, Crash. If I'm going to... help the people of the world, I need those Power Crystals! Good ones! These weapons of mass helping people don't build themselves, you know!"
• "Oh yes, that's right. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!"
• "Ohhhh, long, firm Power Crystals to fuel my new rampaging creation. Meet me on the racetracks Crash. And I will show you a real car."

When interacting with Crash

• "Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"
• "Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here."
• "Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"
• "Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those palates are doing wonders for your figure."
• "Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot."
• "Hello Crash. It's always a torture- uh, I mean pleasure to see you."
• "Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"
• "Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!"
• "Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife."
• "Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!"
• "Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime."
• "Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!"

When attacked by Crash

• "I thought you liked me!"
• "It's juvie all over again!"
• "Just back off, man!"
• "Meanie!"
• "Nobody makes me bleed from there!"
• "Oh, the pain of it all!"
• "Stop it, please!"
• "The pain! The sweet pain!"
• "When I get my ray gun, you're through!"
• "Ow!"
• "Why me?! I'm so pretty!"
• "Why would you do that?!"
• "You can't do that to me! No one can!"

When starting a race

• "After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."
• "Attention, everyone! Follow me!"
• "Fill 'er up and check my oil!"
• "How much longer till we get there?!"
• "I bore easily. Do try and keep up."
• "It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep an interesting."
• "May the best cheat win!"
• "My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop."
• "Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."
• "Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"
• "Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"
• "Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"
• "This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!"
• "Keep the root beer on ice. This won't take long."
• "Wait, wait! I'm not buckled in!"

When starting from a standstill

• "1.2 gigawatts of power!"
• "Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!"
• "Down, boy! Steady!"
• "Engage!"
• "Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"
• "Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!"
• "I am Cortex, hear me roar!"
• "I feel the need! The need for acceleration!"
• "I just love when that happens."
• "Impressive! Most impressive!"
• "I've got lots of torque! And I'm not afraid to use it!"
• "Ladies react very favorable to that."
• "Mad scientist coming through!"
• "Nice skid marks!"
• "Oh, I love that rumbling sensation!"
• "Rolling rolling rolling!"
• "Such power! Such speed! I'm quite a catch!"
• "Who's your daddy?"
• "Yeehaw!!"

When passing by an opponent vehicle

• "Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!"
• "Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!"
• "Hahaha! I'm funky fresh, and beautiful!"
• "You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! -belch-"
• "Ain't my backside pretty?"
• "Make way for Agent Beauty!"
• "Who's your daddy?"
• "And to think, I didn't meet the height requirements for this ride -chuckles-"
• "Little do they know, I flunked driver's ed."
• "Bow before my rancid villainy!"
• "Tell me, how does losing feel?"

When passed by an opponent vehicle

• "Hey, you! Mr. ... guy!"
• "You, filthy peon, get back here so I can whack you!"
• "Hey, come on! I really need to get there first!"
• "Now, that's a good way to taste the back of my hand."
• "Hey! Don't make me pull this car over!"
• "Oh I'll get you for that! Get you good!"
• "Apparently they don't realize I'm supposed to win!"
• "Perhaps it's time to start racing."
• "You ain't all that."
• "Where's the highway patrol when you need them?"
• "Back off, homeboy!"
• "Oh, that's not a very nice thing to do."
• "I just know my hair tuffs are causing wind drag."
• "Somebody's not aware that I'm the king of the road!"
• "Oh, I get it. One of us is supposed to come in first!"

When carrying an item

• "With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."
• "Haha! Jewels! More jewels!"
• "Crystals are a doctor's best friend."
• "This will surely come in handy for evil."
• "Ohh, shiny!"
• "Oh, nice!"
• "That's great! What's it for?"
• "Now the circle of pain is complete."
• "Oh would you look at that? A present!"
• "The power! The power!"
• "Oh, how excellent!"
• "Every mad scientist's dream."
• "I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place."
• "No one will ever take this from me. No one!"
• "I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."
• "Begin quivering with excitement."
• "Powers of Cortex, activate!"
• "Better me than any of those other nitwits."
• "I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually."
• "Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?"
• "I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"
• "Hahaha! The wonderful power!"
• "Mine! Mine! All mine!"
• "I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."
• "I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!"
• "Another for the collection!"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

• "Save the brain!"
• "Mad scientists have the right of way... Jerk!"
• "I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'."
• "I skinned my knee!"
• "Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!"
• "Hmm... I must have my contacts checked."
• "My great skills of nearsightedness caused that!"
• "I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."
• "This is just great!"
• "Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?"
• "Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!"
• "Excuse me gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!"
• "That had better not have been on purpose, you!"
• "Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?"
• "Watch the paint, watch the paint!"
• "Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!"
• "Blast you, Sunday driver!!"
• "That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!"
• "Send a bill to the office!"
• "There goes my good insurance rate!"
• "Why does this always happen to me?"
• "Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!"
• "Ugh! You're a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
• "Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?"
• "Now how did that not end in a fiery death?"
• "I think I wet myself!"
• "Going to need a new kidney from my organ donor clone!"
• "Hey there! Watch where I'm driving!"
• "Was that trip really necessary?"
• "Stop your whining! I'm insured!"
• "Scum off, bat-bag! I mean... oh, never mind."
• "Where's your sense of decency, man!?"
• "I'm calling my mommy on you!"
• "Hey! That hurt!"
• "Ta-ta! You should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!"
• "Hey there! Watch where I'm going!"
• "Don't try that at home, kiddies!"
• "Come back here and plow into me like a man!"
• "Sometimes I feel like a motherless Cortex..."
• "You're just making it worse for yourself."
• "Hey, hey, I'm driving here!"
• "Come on, Cortex, you can do better than that!"
• "That surely shaved a year or so off my life!"
• "That was a close shave... with razor bumps!"
• "Excuse me, buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?"
• "Wow, that was fun, and a little scary too."
• "Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!"
• "Relax, Cortex. You know their weakness-- Doomsday weapons!"
• "Such violence in a children's park! Tsk! Tsk!"
• "Why me?"
• "That was more painful than it looked! Really."
• "Mmph!! I swallowed my beard!"
• "Now why in the world was that necessary?"
• "Why did I ever remove that wonderful cow catcher?"
• "Nothing like a soothing drive in the country..."
• "I'll bet he won't have to shave for a week!"
• "How in the world did I miss that lollygagger?"
• "Choke on my exhaust, pedestrian scum!"

When brushing against a wall

• "¿Dónde están mis pantalones?"
• "Great! I just washed this vehicle!"
• "Summon my proctologist!"
• "Somebody get me a tissue!"
• "How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"
• "Not my baby!"
• "Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait, I probably shouldn't say that."
• "Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"
• "Aaaahhhh!! My car!"
• "Is this the price of victory?"
• "I don't like this part of the race much."
• "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"
• "Oh, now who put that there?"
• "Hit me! Do I not bleed?"
• "Noooooo! I love this car!"
• "Oh the humanity!"

When flying through the air

• "It's the only way to fly!"
• "Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"
• "I always was the best student at evil medical school."
• "This is great, but re-entry can be rough."
• "If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"
• "Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"
• "Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"
• "Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!"
• "Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"
• "Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!"
• "Up up and away!"
• "Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"
• "Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!"

When attacking an opponent vehicle

• "How did that deliciousness taste?"
• "Taste my smoldering intellect!"
• "I shouldn't enjoy this so much!"
• "Sayonara, sappy!"
• "That's just wrong! But it sure feels right."
• "Ha ha ha. Just like back in Da Nang!"
• "Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!"
• "Back you animals!"
• "Now that had to hurt! Ehhahaha!"
• "I hope you enjoy the taste of hot vengence."
• "Yes! Chalk up another point for scum and villiany!"
• "Ingest the sugary goodness of my evil!"
• "The next one is going right up your nose."
• "Fiery ordinance, the gift that keeps on giving."
• "My skills are honed like a spride jungle cat! Meow!"

When destroying an opponent vehicle

• "Oh! Now I do feel guilty about that one!"
• "Flame on!"
• "It's so good to be so bad."
• "Don't worry, that was a mercy killing."
• "Toodle-oo!"
• "It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs!"
• "You have met my destiny! Nice, isn't it?"
• "Now you know who the real mad scientist is!"
• "I'd say he's not operational. ..hehehe..."
• "Ohh, I did a bad thing! Eeheehee."
• "So sorry! Not!"
• "Chalk off another booby!"
• "Another shrimp on the barbie!"
• "You win some, you lose some."
• "Next time, just call in sick."
• "Everyone's gotta go sometime!"
• "I visit upon you terrible friction!"
• "Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!"

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

• "I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!"
• "You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"
• "Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?"
• "I hope none of my henchmen saw that."
• "I'm all brains and no gas."
• "Evil madman-- Will work for shiny new vehicle!"
• "Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school."
• "MOMMY!!!"
• "Waiter! Check, please!"
• "Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?"
• "Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!"
• "I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."
• "Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!"
• "I don't deserve this!"
• "How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"
• "Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!"

When hit by a weapon

• "Well, there's sportsmanship for you."
• "Fool! Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
• "Hey, when I hit you, I didn't mean you could hit back!"
• "Ohhh, the pain!!"
• "Ohhh!! I lost my ATM card!"
• "Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team?"
• "Sheesh! I'd rather be a hammer than a nail!"
• "Ahhhhhaa! I wet my pants!"
• "That's it! I want my money back!"
• "I wonder if that will affect my lease agreement."
• "Stop that! Only villians get to shoot at people!"
• "Two can play that game weasel!"
• "You're mean you know that? Meanie!"
• "Is that any way to treat a feeble old man?"
• "We're a peaceful planet. We have no weapons!"

When breaking a trackside target

• "Ooh! I hope there's something devilish in there!"
• "I just adore that sound. Don't you?"
• "Goodies! Goodies for me!"
• "Smashing just happens to be one of my specialties."
• "I saw it first!"
• "What I don't use I can sell on the Internet."
• "They don't build crates like they used to."
• "Oh... um... Coco did it."
• "Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!"
• "I feel so... satisfied...."
• "Whoopsie, my bad!"
• "Now that's why I chose to be a bad guy!"
• "Crumble, you fool!"
• "Cortex giveth and Cortex taketh away."
• "Put your hands up and give me the goods!"
• "Break open and shine riches upon me!"
• "What does my fortune say, sweet little cookie?"
• "A golden shower of riches for me!"

When running over a park drone

• "An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!"
• "Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!"
• "Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"
• "It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."
• "Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"
• "Officer, he just walked right onto the road!"
• "I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!"
• "I really ought to go back and pick him up. Not!"
• "My, my, was that you?"
• "Take that, animatronic booby!"
• "Yes! 10 points!"
• "Oops! Sorry! hehe..."
• "Chalk off another roadkill!"

When clashing

• "Trust me, this is good for both of us."
• "Together, you and I will do very bad things."
• "Wow, that felt good!"
• "My heavens, we got us a convoy!"
• "Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"
• "Now move a little to the left... That's better."
• "I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!"
• "Now this is what I call a Sports Utility Vehicle!"
• "How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"
• "You're chassis or mine?"
• "Not bad! We need to see each other more often."
• "Like my parasitic twin used to say, 'Two heads are better than one!'"
• "You know how to shoot, don't you? Just curl your finger around the trigger and pull."
• "It's obvious. We were meant to be together."
• "Can you sense the antici....pation?"

When declashing

• "Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"
• "And I'm spent."
• "Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster."
• "Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!"
• "Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"
• "I can't be seen with you. I just can't."
• "Look, I think we should see other people."
• "I've had it with you, meddling kid!"
• "Stay away from me, you freak!"
• "Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!"
• "You're just not...evil enough for me."

When winning a race

• "Who let the canines out? Woof, Woof, Woof!"
• "You want to try that again, smarty pants?"
• "Ohh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."
• "Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!"
• "Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!"
• "I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach."
• "Really, you should go and find an easier target than me."
• "Now, now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity-- Me!"
• "Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?"
• "Is I good or is I good?"
• "Can I purchase that big pink teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"
• "Bow before the master of speed and deliquency!"
• "Better luck next time, loser!"
• "You must be Agent 00 Zero -- Licensed to miss."
• "Trust me, it's easier when you don't suck pig toes."
• "Close, but no long cigar."
• "Hahaha! Sweet victory! Alright, what'd I win?"
• "Yes, yes, hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks."
• "Sweet, sweet victory!"
• "The doctor is in!"
• "Oh, I just love success."
• "In the battle between good and evil, evil always wins. Because good is dumb."
• "And daddy thought I'd amount to nothing."
• "Okay, where's my showcase? Where's my showcase?"
• "I owe it all to you, my unworthy opponents."
• "Is this where I win my lifetime supply of used nose plugs?"
• "Yes, yes. Throw the losers to the rabid hogs."

When losing a race

• "That's just wrong in every sense of the word!"
• "I'm just softening you up for my souffle o' pain."
• "I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame..."
• "I'm such a sore loser! ... Anyone have any chewable aspirin?"
• "Where did my training fail me?"
• "Haha! Yes! Err... Oh. I meant to do that."
• "Haha! ... Actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out... dude."
• "Well, really, I'm more of a tiddlywinks man..."
• "Obviously I'm in a generous mood today.."
• "Oh well. It's everyone else's fault but mine."
• "Just as I suspected. Losing isn't everything."
• "Next time I'll miss you a little closer!"
• "Scram all you want, but you're going to get your medicine."
• "I have plenty more where that came from!"
• "As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first."
• "-sob- I've been robbed!"
• "Well, who's stupid idea was this anyhow?"
• "Oh, why did I even bother?"
• "Oh, how will I ever face.... mother...?"
• "You know, there's never a time machine around when you need one."
• "Perhaps my evil plan needs to be... eviler... um... yeah."
• "Oh well, winning is for losers anyhow."
• "What are you looking at, buster? It sure isn't my fault!"
• "Somedays it just doesn't pay to leave your iceberg lair."
• "Oh, the agony of defeat!"
• "Always a bridesmaid and never... uh... nevermind."

Credits

• "Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole."
• "Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that."
• "Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?"
• "Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world."
• "Trevor Lim would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."
• "Darren would like to thank no one. He did it all himself!"
• "Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"
• "Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now."
• "Konichiwa, Maki-chan."
• "Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe!"
• (Reply to N. Gin's comment about the guy getting all the chicks) "Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!"
• (Reply to N. Gin talking about the Gmail) "Uh, hold on! Let me get my pen!"
• "Ian says thank you, Mom, Dad, and David. How...sickening!"
• "Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!"
• "Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."
• "Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!"
• "And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."
• "And Bill Farmer, if only he were one."
• "Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality."
• "And Duane Shephard. Nobody says ********* with such authority."
• "Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Ahaha!"
• "And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!"
• "Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."

Unused

• "I knew I shouldn't have woken up this morning. Curses me!"
• "I just know there has to be more to life than this..."
• "If only my daddy had not dropped me on my soft spot..."
• "Well, of course I'm certain! Wait... Someone might see me talking to myself. Act natural..."
• "This and a pair of meat shoes and we're in business!"
• "All my life I've waited for Crash's love... I can wait some more."
• "I wonder where I get my film processed here..."
• "This place is a rather large scam if you ask me."
• "Von Clutch is a ninny! He must know I always cheat!"
• "Honestly, it's not the glory I'm after. It's the cash!"
• "How about some waffles?"
• "Why am I surrounded by idiots?"
• "I'm so glad that Uka Uka is not in this game. That floating fascist!"
• "I made shoes out of Dingodile!"
• "Oh, put a sock in it!"
• "One day I will have Tawna as my trophy wife."
• "Did you know that in Japan, Wumpas are just apples?"