Tutorial (PS2 version)
- "OK newbie, to walk or run, simply move the left Analog Stick or press the Directional Buttons in the direction you want Crash to move. I won't laugh, haha."
- "Small objects might require you to jump-move to get over. Now hit that X button and let's see you do just a single jump. Come on, feel it baby, oooh!"
- "You know, Wumpa Coins are scattered everywhere, even inside certain objects. Collect that coin baby and spend it like crazy on new stuff! Bling-bling!"
- "Yo, yo! Activation buttons require you to body slam to trigger it. Press that X button then press that circle button while still in the air to do a body slam. Slamma jamma bananrama!"
- "Are you ready? Crash is able to hang off ledges! No kidding! While hanging, move the left Analog Stick or press the Directional Buttons to edge shimmy left and right. Press the X button to move off the edge. Try it! It's the bomb!"
- "Oh, this place is a dump! Sometimes the floor will just give way under you! Play it safe and jump over it."
- "OK, you gonna love this one. Jump Pads allow Crash to jump to otherwise inaccessible locations. Press the X button to jump onto a Jump Pad. Man, this game is smokin'!"
- "Hey! See that fine ride over there? Yeah, that shiny thing! Crash can perform special tasks around the world and unlock new vehicles. Man, can you see me and a few hens cruisin' in one of those? Whoo!"
- "Time for some new threads, baby! When you come across someone with a shirt icon above their head, it means they have an outfit for sale. Press the triangle button to talk to 'em."
- [if Crash does not have enough Crystals to use the Jump Pad in Mystery Island] "Alright now, you think you're gonna get in here for free? Ha! Fat chance! This thing requires Power Crystals! Go get yourself the right amount to access and come back and try again, freeloader! Sheesh!"
- "Now pay attention, homeboy! Press the X button to accelerate, and press the square button to brake and reverse."
- "Hey man, that turret you got gettin' tired? If you want to shoot a different turret gun, press the square button to swap turrets. Happy hunting!"
- "Now that's what I'm talkin' about! While you're in control of a turret gun, use the left Analog Stick to aim, and the X button to shoot. Say hello to my little freak!"
- "Wanna drive? Wanna shoot? Hey, you can do either with the swap move, baby. Press the R1 button to swap places between the driver and the gunner. This one's for those who 'can't make up their minds'".
- "Hey, hey! After collecting a weapon or special power up item, press the circle button to use it. Now play safe, punk!"
- "Oh man, this is the coolio baby! Two vehicles can merge together during a race. When close to another vehicle, press the triangle button. Press the triangle button again to seperate. If someone wants to clash with you but you're not down with that, press the triangle button to refuse."
- "Hey sucker, test all your fancy moves here at the Stunt Arena. You can perform a series of stunts to win more Wumpa Coins. Hope your parents have insurance!"
- "Like blowin' things up? Me too! In this, the Run N' Gun challenge, you can use your turret to destroy the trackside targets to win Wumpa Coins, my favorite bling-bling!"
- "Man, you got to be crazy to play this one. I guess that's why it's called the Crashinator challenge. Use your vehicle as a weapon to destroy the on-track targets to win Wumpa Coins. I dunno, if you ask me, it ain't worth it, but that ride's too sweet."
- "Ol' Stewbie-doo needs a little help from you. You see, Ol' Stew has been runnin' around the hen house again and some ol' nasty chicken's been leavin' our eggs all over the place. If I don't find those eggs, my old lady will kill Stew. Go get me those eggs, boy! I'll make it worth your while."
- "What's wrong with you boy? Stew said all the eggs!"
- "Crash! Whatcha doin' to me, man? My missus will pluck me down to the gizzard if she sees those eggs, and I'm mysteriously rooted to the spot! I...can't...move!"
- "You just toyin' with the Stew, ain't cha? This is how you get your kicks, playin' with ol' Stew when he's in a jam. Stew needs a hug!"
- "Not you!"
- "Oh, thank you boy. Thank you so much! Stew don't belong in no dog house, you know what I'm sayin'? You go check your garage. Stew be havin' a little surprise in there for ya."
When attacked by Crash
- "Now I'll never be a daddy!"
- "Celebrity under attack! Bodyguard!"
- "Hey, did Chick's wife send you?!"
- "Ow, my wings!"
- "STEW'S BEEN KICKED!"
- "Stew's been hit! Stew's down!"
- "Startin' somethin' boy? Startin' with the Stew?"
- "Blacken, man, blacken! Stew needs blacken!"
- "Ow, my feet!"
- "Oh, my legs!"
- "You spinnin' freak!"
- "Oh, the pain!"
- "Ow, my tail!"
- "You don't wanna start something with a professional cock fighter, boy!"
- "Oh, my stomach!"
- "Oh, that hurt a lot!"
- "Chick, save me Chick! Chickkkk!"
- "Oh, my stuffin'!"
Chick Gizzard Lips
Tutorial (PS2 version)
- "Large obstacles or distances require you to perform your first double jump to overcome them! How exciting! Press the X button, and then press it while still in the air to perform said double jump!
- "Press the square button to perform a spin attack, to break certain objects. Please use with discretion! Breaking things isn't nice."
- "OK, you've reached your first ladder. Somebody get a picture! To climb a ladder, press the X button to jump on and then press it again and again until you reach the top."
- "Well, put me in a diaper and call me baby! Before you rests a Power Gem! Now a Power Gem is very rare and very important! It's the only way to power up the gate to a new land! You do want to see many lands, don't you?"
- "Now sports fans, when you run into someone with a crystal icon above their head, it means they have one for sale. Press the triangle button to talk to them."
- "Oh, you lucky dog! Welcome to the granddaddy of all demolition derbies, the Battle Arena! Drive or shoot to win Wumpa Coins! But play safe kiddies."
- "Power Crystals are hidden around the world and several of them may be needed to access certain landmarks. That said, what may you need to access important landmarks? Righto! Power Crystals! You're far more intelligent than you look."
- "On maneuvering your vehicle, use the left Analog Stick or Directional Buttons to steer. Go ahead! You'll be bloated with control when you try it."
- "Learn the art of collecting power-ups. Steer toward these collectables which are scattered around the track."
- "Hey sports fans, let me introduce you to the joys of powersliding. You can use it to corner better around sharp turns. Powersliding also gives you a small speed boost. Nifty, huh? Tap the square button while in a turn to perform a powerslide. You betcha."
- "This is Rolling Thunder, the perfect game for people short of temper or light of frontal lobe. Test your shooting skills by ruthlessly wailing on the competition! It's mindless destruction for fun and prizes."
- "Attention flight passengers! To maintain some vehicle control, use the left Analog Stick and the right Analog Sticks to control the car while in the air. And remember, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device!"
- "Crash Bandicoot, it is fine to see you this lovely day, my friend. Are you well? That's good! I have a little proposition for you. I've learned that my co-commentator Stew has wagered heavily on Cortex to win the deed to the park. It would do me well if he lost that wager. Bring me a Power Crystal and you can use this fine vehicle I'm standing beside now."
- "You are surely joking, my friend. No Power Crystal means no car! Return when you have the means I require."
- "Crash Bandicoot, once again you are here trying my patience! No Power Crystal means no car and no comeuppance from my so-called comrade commentator."
- "Crash Bandicoot, can't you understand me? I won 'Most Articulate Announcer' three years in a row! It can't be me that's at fault, perhaps it's you! Get me a Power Crystal, PLEASE!"
- "Excellent, my furry companion. Do your best and embarrass that no-good playboy I am forced to call my co-worker."
When attacked by Crash
- "Oh good, more abuse."
- "Ow, my stuffing!"
- "The pain of it all!"
- "I blame video games!"
- "Ow, my shins!"
- "Did my wife send you?!"
- "Ow, my wings!"
- "Holy original recipe!"
- "Ow, my knees!"
- "The worst beating since Michigan versus San Jose, 1939."
- "Ow, my dignity!"
- "That was unnecessary!"
- "Ow, my gizzard!"
- "Newscaster down!"
- "Ow, my beak!"
- "Ow. my thighs!"
- "I think you fixed my back."
- "Chicken hate crime!"
- "Ow! I'm gonna feel that tomorrow."
Meet the Dummkopfs
- Chick: "Top o' the mornin' and a cock-a-doodle-doo sports fans. Chick Gizzard Lips here welcoming you to the farewell race at Von Clutch's MotorWorld."
- Stew: "That's right, Chick baby, on what might be the final day of operation, Von Clutch will surely have to turn out the lights on his lifelong dream."
- Chick: "Von Clutch, the deranged genius cyborg, has fabricated the ultimate auto racing theme park. Indeed, the park's tracks have reeked terror on its participants, too gruesome for this reporter to describe over the air!"
- Stew: [off topic] "Well, I ain't got a problem with it. Man, you ever put a baked ham in a wood chipper? I know I have."
- Chick: [attempting to get Stew back on topic] "Ahem."
- Stew: "Oh sorry. But now ol' Von Clutch's Power Gems have been stolen, giving Von Clutch just a few hours to get his Power Gems back, or it's 'slam dunk, thank you, punk'".
- Chick: "Ebenezer Von Clutch is now risking his park ownership in a high-stakes, no-holds-barred race. Race contestants must survive a gauntlet of each of the park's five lands and recover every one of the Power Gems that have been stolen."
- Chick: [after the other racers crash into each other] "Well, sports fans, it appears that we have found our dummkopfs."
- Chick: "Thank you Mister Cheeks. Yes, race fans, a bounty of booty awaits you in this, our first race challenge. Thrill to the terrors of Tiki Turbo, endure the perplexing Pirates of the Carburetor, and defeat the insidious delusions of Deep Sea Driving! Master these dangerous tracks, and find greater challenge in the Battle Arena, where unhinged lunatics compete for trivial prizes! Isn't this exciting Stew!"
- Stew: "You know I'm excited! Get goin' Crash, and show me what you've got!"
Happily After Faster
- Chick: [introducing the Happily After Faster world] "Welcome everyone, in this wondrous land of enchantment, contestants test their mettle against the putrid forces of darkness! Race through the Track and the Beanstalk, Once Upon a Tire, and the ruthless Evilocity! Then test your wits on the Stunt Arena challenge."
- Stew: "Man, I sure hope that Stinkin' Beauty goin' be as fine and shapely as she is in the storybooks."
- Chick: "I second that emotion."
- Stew: "Man, that Wumpa Cheek dude freaks me OUT!"
- Chick: "Just don't let him touch you! Yes, sports fans, here you will race through a planet's violent beginnings."
- Stew: "In this brutal world, contestants struggle with primeval race tracks like Fossil Fuel Injection, La Brea Car Pits, and the treacherous Tire and Ice. Keep sharp players, there's even a Battle Arena to test your mettle."
- Chick: "I'm on, but who's on top? We're here with the valiant competitors to get their vivid impressions at this, the halfway point in the event."
- Chick: "Ach, this is a wash. Phil, let's roll tape."
Follow the Wumpa Whip
- Chick: "Zowie, sports fans, did you see that... [pushed aside by Cortex]"
- Stew: "I really hate that guy."
- Chick: "Creepy yes, but how right he is, Stew! Within this haunted city of ancient-ish Egypt, resides the forbidding curse of Tomb Town. Within these hollowed walls and tacky gift shops, Von Clutch has created the ultimate in-Egyptian driving simulation."
- Stew: "Well, for sure our racers are goin' to have a tough time here, Chicky-poo. They must first survive Dead Heat, make their way into Crash Test Mummies, and navigate through Pyramid Pass. And if that ain't enough, then the face the ultimate challenge deep within, the tomb of terror."
- Chick: "Between the three track entrances and the exceptionally difficult battle arena, this may be the toughest one, race fans."
- Chick: "Here we are, sports fans, the last hurrah. Crash Bandicoot has collected the final Power Gem and won himself the ownership of the park!"
- Stew: "But with only a short time left, is it too late to retrieve the Black Power Gem and save the weakened [camera cuts to Von Clutch ceasing working] Ebenezer Von Clutch?
- Chick: "Well, sports fans, welcome to Astro Land, where yesterday's dream of the future is the nightmare of today!"
- Stew: "Whoa man, that's what the script says?! That's messed up!"
- Chick: "Choose from many futuristic adventures by plunging deep into Uranus' Mine. Or careen through the celestial Craters on Uranus. And beware the deadly and dangerous Rings of Uranus."
- Stew: "That's a lot of Uranus!"
- Chick: "You're telling me."
I Hate Chicken
- Chick: "And to the victors go the spoils. Congratulations, Bandicoots!"