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This is a list of quotes said by Von Clutch in Crash Tag Team Racing. ( video 1), ( video 2).

Cutscenes

  • "Pasadena, Villie, I only have a short time before I'm kaputsky! We must find more racers! Is there no dummkopfs among you, to accept the challenge of the greatest race of all time?"
  • "Zee world renowned evil doer Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex, I have all your games! For a moment here, I think all is lost for Von Clutch. But, when I see my favorite video heroes, my fingers tingle with joy!"
  • "Nnnnnein! I need more racers to recover mein Power Gems! Whoever is first to win all the Power Gems, wins the ownership of mein park! Und look, even my beloved Black Power Gem is gone!"
  • "Ah, that's mein jolly park mascot, Villie Wumpa Cheeks."
  • [responding to Coco's conclusion] "Wumpa Whip?"
  • "That's ridiculickalickalous! I mean, who drinks Wumpa Whip anyway?"
  • [after Willie's confession] Villie? Mein jolly park mascot? Don't tell me anymore! I can't hear you! Weißte ich kann nicht hörn diese Lügen!
  • "Ach, quick! We must schtop him, we have only moments left, und we must get mein Black Power Gem before I'm kaput!
  • [introducing the Astro Land world] "Warning cosmic travelers, up here in the dankness of schpace lies the greatest fears you all will face! Hahaha!"

Missions

  • "Ahh, Crash Bandicoot. You're admiring mein beautiful automacar, ja? It's so lovely I would make it my life if I could. Please Crash, bring me mein Power Crystals so that I may be able to make zis beautiful creature come to life!"
  • "What is wrong with you, Crash? I am needing power to bring zis beauty to life! Do you think I enjoy being slow? Enjoy being laughed at?! Bring me the Crystals if you want more exciting races. Exciting races mean people on TV watch you, Crash. Watch you win... Then you will be a big star, ja?"
  • "Ohh, darling, why do you torture me so?! I need mein Crystals for mein car! Do you not understand zis? Don't you care?"
  • "Okay. Okay, I am done talking to you. Look. This is me not talking to you. Get the Crystal before I blow my schnitzel!"
  • "Ha life! Ha life! Joy mein caser life! Come Crash, to zis races and I will show you real driving! Prepare to be slaughtered!"
  • "Hey Crash, I think you're liking zis car, ja? Perhaps I will give it to you for many park tokens... Many!"
  • "What is this? Oh, surely you are joking, Crashikins, ja? Joking... You cannot buy a ride on mein jolly jumper with this few coins!"
  • "Again you return without the coins I asked for. ...ha ha ha... This is a joke, ja? Another one of your funnies. Oh, it is to laugh..."
  • "Und now the joke is a little tired, ja? Why do you do this? Wait, come back here! Perhaps you like Von Clutch, ja? Perhaps Von Clutch should embrace you."
  • "Oh, you have been a busy hairy beaver, ja? Or whatever species you are. Okay take you coins und I give you this car! Make with zis exciting races!"
  • Oh, Crash darling. I am so glad it is you, ja? The time, she flies and still my black power crystal is nowhere to be found. But as mein Papa would say "When in doubt, build a bigger tank!" Find me a Power Crystal, Ja? Und I will be using mein best vehicle! For your help, I will give you many coins."
  • "Crash you dummkopf! What is wrong with you? Some problem with your brain? Perhaps I should take it out und show it to you!"
  • "Oh I'm sorry darling. Bring me a power crystal und all is forgiven!"
  • Crash! Again you come back. Perhaps your brain condition is serious hmm? Perhaps you have a tumor like a goofball hmm? Oh I love those hmmhmm. My desire to open your brain is growing by the minute!"
  • "Oopsy daisy! Sorry, my bad! I'm a bit cranky ja? GO GET ME MEIN CRYSTAL!!!!"
  • "Crash. You are getting me mad ja? I swear you will do what I ask or I will strike you down. Reanimate you und strike you down again!"
  • "Ahhahahah! Oh happy day! Mein vehicle is shmoking hot ja? On the racetracks I will do much damage! To za races Crash! Perhaps we will work together ja? Und please take ze coins, spend them as you will, stay up late, I don't care."

When interacting with Crash

  • "Hallo! Have you seen Willie Wumpa Cheeks? I'm sirsty!"
  • "Ah! Who are you? What are you wanting with me? Oh, hallo Crash."
  • "Oh my goodness! Crash Bandicoot! My videogame hero! I want autographn, ya?"
  • "Hallo Crash! Did I ever tell you about mein services in the war? Nein? Good."
  • "Ahh, Crashn Bandicoot! Velcome to mein park!"
  • "Hallo Crash! Where's mein Crystals? Any luck yet?"
  • "Oh you startled me ja? Well go about your business. Sneaky poo hmm."
  • "Hallo Crashikin! When zis is all over we can really unsider, ja?"
  • "Well hallo there! My namenin is Ebenezer Von Clutch. I like schpeed und violence."

When attacked by Crash

  • "I zought we were friends!"
  • "You hurt mein feelings...und mein organs."
  • "You are cruel! Cruel like...sausage!"
  • "Ohh, that really smarts!"
  • "You know I like when you play rough,"
  • "Mein is bleeding inside."
  • "Right in the transmission whoa!"
  • "Oh, mein life is getting worse."
  • "Mein strudel is kasplutt!"
  • "Owww!"

When starting a race

  • "Ja, ja, ja. May the best cyborg win. And we all know who that is."
  • "Victory is in the palm of mein hand! Hallo, victory, you're very cute down there."
  • "Von Clutch will win! You can go home."
  • "Once I have control, I will do away with you all."
  • "I hope my dear mahti is watching on the crystal ball. Hallo, mahti!"
  • "Okay, let's get this over with. I got to go make pishee."
  • "Oh, the pitbull is ranging through mein carburetor! I'm feeling powerful! Und a little crazy."
  • "I hope this doesn't take too long. I have a chemical peel in one hour."
  • "Zis is where I make all of you look bad."
  • "Time to say bye-bye to Von Clutch!"
  • "Oh, the anticipation is excruciating! Hope it lasts, ja?"

When starting from a standstill

  • "Look at meeee...DRIVING FOOLISH UND CRAZY!!!"
  • "Stop your grinin und grab your linin!"
  • "My smoke is intimidating, ya?"
  • "I am Ebenezer Von Clutch! Watch me roar!"
  • "I love the sweet stench of burning rubber!"
  • "Oh I love doing that!"
  • "As you can see I'm a little anxious ja?"
  • "Mein searching powership hold to da thing ja?"
  • "Von Clutch impresses you with violent noises ja?"
  • "Heavens! I'm bursting wis restless energy!"
  • "Mein backside is pretty no?"
  • "Tally-ho!"

When passing an opponent vehicle

  • "Okay playtime is over guden natch!"
  • "Mein speed is impressive, ja?"
  • "Ta-ta! I send you a postcard from the sodo!"
  • "Ooohh, I hope the camera got a picture of that move!"
  • "Ha ha ha ha! Mein backside says Allo!"
  • "You love to see mein behind, don't you darling?"
  • "So long sucker!"
  • "How's the view from back there huh?"
  • "Beep beep! German cyborg coming through ja?"
  • "Passing you makes me tingle with happy sensations."

When passed by an opponent vehicle

  • "Hey you! Zis is mein park! Get in line!"
  • "Hey did I order you to passin me?"
  • "Where did that little creature learn to drivin off like that?"
  • "I hope mein mahti isn't watching ja."
  • "Every time you pass me I cry inside."
  • "You embarrass Von Clutch with your swiftness."
  • "Ohhoho the shame of being passed."
  • "No shin!"
  • "Go ahead I'm just taking a breezther."
  • "Where are you going? Comein back here you!"
  • "No, no, no. You go ahead I'll be there in a minute."
  • "Say hello to death and destruction when you get there huh?"
  • "Okay you take the lead for awhile ja?"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

  • "Ja, ja, ja I almost hit you. So what?"
  • "Is this the hardest you hit? Pathetic!"
  • "I'm driving here, dummkopf!"
  • "Who gave this dummkopf a license? The department of motor-dummkopfs?"
  • "Ouch! You crushed mein pinkie toe!"
  • "Hey! Don't you like high-velocity pain?"
  • "Ah! Watch where you are going, schweinhund!"
  • "Please, stop! You hurt mein feelings when you do that."
  • "Hey, the autobahn is for racing, not boking! Sheesh!"
  • "Achtung!"
  • "Achtung, dummkopf!"
  • "Police! Police!"
  • "I will deliver much pain und suffering upon you! Once I eat this strudel."
  • "Hey there. I will have to pummel you next lap."
  • "We have ways of making you talk."
  • "Ack! For me watch out!"
  • "Ah! Delima! That was quite the driving, ja?"
  • "Ah! Missed another one! I think I'm getting soft, ja?"
  • "Hey! Quit breaking mein concentration!"
  • "Uh-oh I sprang a leek in mein underpants."
  • "Shing! Stop zis crazy thing!"
  • "Schtop the Shtinging! Schtop the Shtinging!"
  • "I find down in mein putologen!"
  • "Now that hurts! Oh yeah hahaowww."
  • "Oww my monkey!"
  • "I drink off your pain like nectar! Hmmm tasty!"
  • "Good thing I'm insured for that huh?"
  • "The letters experience is invigorating ja?"
  • "Get out of mein way!"
  • "Oh it's as hard as racing now ja?"
  • "We have to schtop meeting like zis!"
  • "Out of my way shickpofa."

When brushing against a wall

  • "INCOMING!!"
  • "Incoming!!"
  • "I think this will come out with a little polish, ja?"
  • "Hey! You crushed my bratwurst!"
  • "Attack! Quick your battlestations!"
  • "Find mein putologen!"
  • "Ah, nothing a little shpitz of oil can't fix, ja?"
  • "Oh that was painful. Now I cry."
  • "Hohh, I damaged mein spiterrivets."
  • "Ah delima I fixed that spot yesterday!"
  • "Where is mein mechanic? Hello babisto!"
  • "Ouchie! That hurts me more than it hurts mein auto!"

When flying through the air

  • "Ja! This reminds me of the Hindenburg!"
  • "Wonderful!"
  • "Ho ho he ha. This reminds me of my Messerschmitt!"
  • "Hmmm. I wonder if we'll reach the English channel."
  • "Ze altitude! It's making me tingle! Hooo! Ting-le!"
  • "Sheesh! I hope Von Clutch remembers how to land."
  • "Ohhh! I'm a little bit airsick!"
  • "I fly through the airness tha greatest partees!"
  • "Look out below!"
  • "Like a bloated zeppelin, I float through the air da da da da da dee da da."
  • "Shorders! Another bag of peanuts please."
  • "Agh. The view is breath taking no? Anyveis?"

When attacking an opponent vehicle

  • "Ja, there's more where that came from dummkopf!"
  • "Heh heh heh, I throw the bomb and it goes boom!"
  • "You like Von Clutch's present for you ja?"
  • "Oh a thousand pardons. Did it come out of me? He He!"
  • "Hooo! Von Clutch been dreen his strudel!"
  • "Heindraschool makes my medicine go down!"
  • "Oh, you are quick like little monkey!"
  • "Do you love Von Clutch's present for you?"
  • "Oh pardon my shrapnel!"
  • "Fire in the hole!"
  • "Und zhere's more where that came from dummkopf!"

When destroying opponent vehicle

  • "Fahrn fahrn fahrn auf der autobahn!"
  • "Ja, look at you now, dummkopf!"
  • "Muzik. Nonstop. Dummkopf!"
  • "Serves you right for getting my way!"
  • "I'm terribly sorry... NOT!"
  • This is what happens when you play with fire und I'm a orange flame!"
  • "Hoohoo! Don't do that at home, kiddes!"
  • "It's my party, I'll destroy if I want to!"
  • "It's my party und I'll destroy you if I want to!"
  • "That was done on a closed track with a professional driver. Not!"
  • "Oh how wonderful! Let's do it again ja?"
  • "Quick! Write down mein license plate!"

When destroyed by opponent vehicle

  • "All is lost!"
  • "Abandon ship! Abandon ship."
  • "Hush, my precious. Time to sleep."
  • "This is a long way to walk home."
  • "Mein auto controls is haywire. Medic!"
  • "Hohh. My ability to mane you is dimished, ya?"
  • "Ohhh, nang. My putalogen is no longer putalaing!"
  • "Somebody. Put mein auto out of it's misery!"
  • "Somebody put out vences!"
  • "Schweinhund!"

When hit by a weapon

  • "I'd like to buy a vowel. Whoops, wrong game.
  • "Hey! I zought we were friends."
  • "Hey you! Dummkopf at the controls! Pay attention!"
  • "Ack! Naughty, naughty, naughty!"
  • "Wait, what is those crazy bells ringing in mein ears?"
  • "Ouch, you bruise mein strudel!"
  • "Hey watch where you are aiming that thing!"
  • "Quick! Put on your gas mask!"
  • "Hey! Do you know how much these vehicles cost dummkopf?"
  • "Ack! I've been sizzled like a sausage!"
  • "Why do you hurt Von Clutch dummkopf?"
  • "Ow! That schtings!"

When breaking a trackside target

  • "Smashing is good. Ja good.
  • "I hope there's a treat for Von Clutch in there!"
  • "Smashing is part of mein therapy. Honest.
  • "I wonder why it is impossible for me to open that chenny. Oh well!"
  • "It's like cracking a hard little fizzlenut."
  • "I'm hoping something wonderful awaits me in there!"
  • "Big money, big money, big money!"
  • "Show Von Clutch's goodies!"
  • "Come to me mein precious!"
  • "You see what you made me do schweinhund?"
  • "Von Clutch is a master of breaking! Watch me break!"
  • "I break you open and taste your little kiskash."
  • "Umm, Coco did it."

When running over a park drone

  • "Oh, my most sincere apologies! Ha!"
  • "Oh, Von Clutch is so sorry! Hee hee hee!"
  • "I know that shouldn't feel good. But it does!"
  • "Who turned out your lights? Me!"
  • "Say guden natch, schweinhund!"
  • "Pull the strings, pull the strings!"
  • "Von Clutch giveth und Von Clutch taketh away."

When clashing

  • "Ja, ja, ja. Now to really wreck some havoc."
  • "Very lucky you are to merge with Von Clutch darling."
  • "Hey! You merging into mein putalogen! Or is my putalogen in your vences?"
  • "Hey this is quite measurable ja?"
  • "What do you know? It fits!"
  • "Everyone wants to join with mein venzer ja?"
  • "More firepower, bigger wheels? Ahh, I'm in heaven!"
  • "Two masters of destruction are better than one, ja?
  • "Look at the wasteful size of this contraption und eat your heart out!"
  • "Together we will rulz the world!"
  • "Let's swat us some flies, ja?"
  • "Dat was a close one!"
  • "The feeling of no control is nice, ja?"

When declashing

  • "End of the line for you, ja?"
  • "I know we're friends, but mein is an evil friend!"
  • "Perhaps some time alone would be good for us?"
  • "Und Von Clutch poms you for zis win!"
  • "Zis is not working out between us, ja?"
  • "I'm sorry but you're not cool enough."

When carrying an item

  • "Oh I just love winning prizes!"
  • "Another goodie for mein goodiebag!"
  • "I wonder if zis is what Hanzel and Gretel felt like ja?"
  • "Oooh! Another prize for Von Clutch! I'm such a good boy!"
  • "Zis prize is all mein. Sheingpethis!"
  • "Hoohoo! I'm running out of room in mein pockets!"
  • "Cha-ching!"
  • "Now you know why I'm called a packrat."
  • "What shall I use this for I ask?"
  • "I told you we will live off the fruits of the land!"
  • "I have a special schpot for zis! Right here!"
  • "Prizes for the prizemeister!"
  • "I know I will find a place for you somewhere."
  • "You thought you could hide from me huh?"
  • "Oh zis beautiful sparkly will never be taken from me again."
  • "Oh I am tingling wis delight. At least I think that's delight."
  • "I will never let you go again!"

When winning a race

  • "Haha! Nice try dummkopf!"
  • "Von Clutch is quick and oh so nimble."
  • "Your defenses are easier than the measureline!"
  • "Naughty, naughty, naughty."
  • "Try again dummkopf!"
  • "Hoohoo, zat was pathetic dummkopf!"
  • "It's not that you are bad, it's that I'm so good!"
  • "Zhey missed me! That local diet working!"
  • "Nice try. You should get your glasses checked!"
  • "Heheheh. Mein sister shoots better than you! Und I don't have a sister!"
  • "Hmmm, it smells bad. Because your shooting stinks!"
  • "Keep going! Your breaking the law beverages!"
  • "Now your papers!"
  • "The shame is all yours! Enjoy it!"
  • "Who let the dogs out? Bark, bark, bark, bark."
  • "Bill und wieners for everyone."
  • "Of course, I'm precision German engineering what else did you expect?"
  • "Zis was easier than that crazy time in France."
  • "I claim zis race for the motherland."
  • "Shower me with money und love."
  • "Why do you make me beat you? You like beating ja?"
  • "I revel in victory! Are you watching me revel ja?"
  • "Come on everyone you should be happy! The best man won!"
  • " Wis zis victory, I name zis part after me!"
  • "Well, it could've been worse! Cortex there could've won ja?"

When losing a race

  • "Shickpofa! I missed!"
  • "Ah I want to hit him so bad I can taste it!"
  • "Hmmm tetetet not bad!"
  • "Perhaps I shoot too soon ja?"
  • "Don't worry zhere's more where that came from!"
  • "Oh yeah? Next time I miss you worse! And scratch that."
  • "Shiterntzul I goofed!"
  • "I hoping the cameras miss zat embarrassing episode."
  • "Zis aiming contraption is kaputt!"
  • "Za Nordic gods must be so angry with me."
  • "Hey now! You're the fly, I am ze swatter!"
  • "Apparently he doesn't know zis missile was for him!"
  • "Comein back here und take your medicine shweinhund!"
  • "Oh I just know I'll get sent to the Russian front."
  • "Ahh, no happy dumplings for Von Clutch."
  • "Oh boy. I'll surely get sent to the starlight zis time ja."
  • "This is sad. I think I'll go cry now."
  • "I demand a recome!"
  • "Zis is a conspiracy to rob me of mein sausages! I just know it!"
  • "Zis should not happen to a German cybernetic organism."
  • "Zis is surely a sad day for germantic cyborg momtotos everywhere."
  • "Well it had to happen sooner or later, why couldn't it have been later?"
  • "Von Clutch is mortally wounded, but mein soul still burns."
  • "Where is mein sock monkey?"
  • "I must harden und cry into it."
  • "I must console myself with something to eat."

Unused

  • "NO! My lauto is kaput!"
  • "Mayday mayday! Who mean is out a parachute!"
  • "Eouch! My neckbones! She's smashed!"
  • "I hope zis qualifies for vocal compensation!"
  • "What kind of craziness is this schweinhund?"
  • "Oooo. I bruised mein pumpernickel!"
  • "Does anyone have an adhesive medical bandage?"

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