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This is a list of quotes said by Von Clutch in Crash Tag Team Racing. ( video 1), ( video 2).

NOTE: Words in italics are those that are likely spelled incorrectly, and will need to be verified.

Cutscenes

  • "Pasadena, Villie, I only have a short time before I'm kaputsky! We must find more racers! Is there no dummkopfs among you, to accept the challenge of the greatest race of all time?"
  • "Zee world renowned evil doer Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex, I have all your games! For a moment here, I think all is lost for Von Clutch. But, when I see my favorite video heroes, my fingers tingle with joy!"
  • "Nnnnnein! I need more racers to recover mein Power Gems! Whoever is first to win all the Power Gems, wins the ownership of mein park! Und look, even my beloved Black Power Gem is gone!"
  • "Ah, that's mein jolly park mascot, Villie Wumpa Cheeks."
  • [responding to Coco's conclusion] "Wumpa Whip?"
  • "That's ridiculickalickalous! I mean, who drinks Wumpa Whip anyway?"
  • [after Willie's confession] Villie? Mein jolly park mascot? Don't tell me anymore! I can't hear you! Weißte ich kann nicht hörn diese Lügen! (I know I cannot hear these lies!)
  • "Ach, quick! We must schtop him! We have only moments left, und we must get mein Black Power Gem before I'm kaput!
  • [introducing the Astro Land world] "Warning cosmic travelers, up here in the dankness of schpace lies the greatest fears you all will face! Hahaha!"

Missions

Mission 1

  • "Ahh, Crash Bandicoot. You're admiring mein beautiful automacar, ja? It's so lovely I would make it my wife if I could. Please Crash, bring me mein Power Crystals so that I may be able to make zis beautiful creature come to life!"
  • "What is wrong with you, Crash? I am needing power to bring zis beauty to life! Do you think I enjoy being slow? Enjoy being laughed at?! Bring me the Crystals if you want more exciting races. Exciting races mean people on TV watch you, Crash. Watch you win... Then you will be a big star, ja?"
  • "Ohh, darling, why do you torture me so?! I need mein Crystals for mein car! Do you not understand zis? Don't you care?"
  • "Okay. Okay, I am done talking to you. Look. This is me not talking to you. Get the Crystal before I blow my schnitzel!"
  • "Ha life! Ha life! Joy mein caser life! Come Crash, to ze races and I will show you real driving! Prepare to be slaughtered!"

Mission 2

  • "Hey Crash, I think you're liking zis car, ja? Perhaps I will give it to you for many park tokens... Many!"
  • "What is this? Oh, surely you are joking, Crashikins, ja? Joking... You cannot buy a ride on mein jolly jumper with this few coins!"
  • "Again you return without the coins I asked for. ...ha ha ha... This is a joke, ja? Another one of your funnies. Oh, how I used to laugh..."
  • "Und now the joke is a little tired, ja? Why do you do this? Wait, come back here! Perhaps you like Von Clutch, ja? Perhaps Von Clutch should embrace you."
  • "Oh, you have been a busy hairy beaver, ja? Or whatever species you are. Okay take you coins und I give you this car! Make with ze exciting races!"

Mission 3

  • Oh, Crash darling. I am so glad it is you, ja? The time, she flies and still my black power crystal is nowhere to be found. But as mein Papa would say "When in doubt, build a bigger tank!" Find me a Power Crystal, Ja? Und I will be using mein best vehicle! For your help, I will give you many coins."
  • "Crash you dummkopf! What is wrong with you? Some problem with your brain? Perhaps I should take it out und show it to you!"
  • "Oh I'm sorry darling. Bring me a power crystal und all is forgiven!"
  • Crash! Again you come back. Perhaps your brain condition is serious hmm? Perhaps you have a tumor like a goofball hmm? Oh I love those hmmhmm. My desire to open your brain is growing by the minute!"
  • "Oopsy daisy! Sorry, my bad! I'm a bit cranky ja? GO GET ME MEIN CRYSTAL!!!!"
  • "Crash. You are getting me mad ja? I swear you will do what I ask or I will strike you down. Reanimate you und strike you down again!"
  • "Ahhahahah! Oh happy day! Mein vehicle is shmoking hot ja? On the racetracks I will do much damage! To za races Crash! Perhaps we will work together ja? Und please take ze coins, spend them as you will, stay up late, I don't care."

When interacting with Crash

  • "Ahh, Crashn Bandicoot! Velcome to mein park!"
  • "Crash, do you like Wumpa strudel? Good! Get me some."
  • "Hallo Crash! Where's mein Crystals? Any luck yet?"
  • "Crash! Mein black power gem must be founded."
  • "Help!"
  • "Hallo Crash Bandicootin! When zis is all over we get weenies und cider, ja?"
  • "Oh you startled me ja? Well go about your business. Sneaky poo hmm."
  • "Ah! Who are you? What are you wanting with me? Oh, hallo Crash."
  • "Crash, did I ever tell you about mein service in ze war? Nein? Good."
  • "Greetings mein orange customer! What is your driving pleasure?"
  • "Oh my goodness! Crash Bandicoot! My videogame hero! I want autographn, ya?"
  • "Well hallo there! My namenin is Ebenezer Von Clutch. I like schpeed und violence."
  • "Hallo! Have you seen Willie Wumpa Cheeks? I'm sirsty!"

When attacked by Crash

  • "Owww!"
  • "Zat was so mean!"
  • "You know I like when you play rough."
  • "Oh, mein life is getting worse."
  • "Right in the transmission, whoa!"
  • "Mein strudel is kaspluttn!"
  • "I zought we were friends!"
  • "Ohh, that really smarts!"
  • "Mein is bleeding inside."
  • "You hurt mein feelings...und mein organs."
  • "The pain of it all!"
  • "You are cruel! Cruel like...sausage!"

When starting a race

  • "Von Clutch will win! You can go home."
  • "Ja, ja, ja. May the best cyborg win. And we all know who that is."
  • "Oh, the pitbull is ranging through mein carburetor! I'm feeling powerful! Und a little crazy."
  • "Oh, the anticipation is excruciating! Hope it lasts, ja?"
  • "I hope my dear mahti is watching on the crystal ball. Hallo, mahti!"
  • "Zis is where I make all of you look bad."
  • "I hope this doesn't take too long. I have a chemical peel in one hour."
  • "Victory is in the palm of mein hand! Hallo, victory, you're very cute down there."
  • "Once I have control, I will do away with you all."
  • "Okay, let's get this over with. I got to go make pishee."
  • "Time to say bye-bye to Von Clutch!"

When starting from a standstill

  • "My smoke is intimidating, ya?"
  • "As you can see I'm a little anxious ja?"
  • "Oh I love doing that!"
  • "Mein surging parsche is hard to contain, ja?"
  • "Von Clutch impresses you with violent noises ja?"
  • "I love the sweet stench of burning rubber!"
  • "Heavens! I'm bursting wis restless energy!"
  • "Look at meeee...DRIVING FOOLISH UND CRAZY!!!"
  • "I am Ebenezer Von Clutch! Watch me roar!"
  • "Mein backside is pretty no?"
  • "Stop your grinin und grab your linin!"
  • "Tally-ho!"

When passing an opponent vehicle

  • "Von Clutch digest breakfast quicker than you drive."
  • "So long, sucker!"
  • "Sprachenzedouch, dummkopf?"
  • "How's the view from back there huh?"
  • "Beep beep! German cyborg coming through ja?"
  • "Mein speed is impressive, ja?"
  • "Okay playtime is over! Guden natch!"
  • "Ooohh, I hope the camera got a picture of that move!"
  • "You love to see mein behind, don't you darling?"
  • "Ta-ta! I send you a postcard from the sodo!"
  • "Ha ha ha ha! Mein backside says Allo!"
  • "Passing you makes me tingle with happy sensations."

When passed by an opponent vehicle

  • "Hey you! Zis is mein park! Get in line!"
  • "Hey did I order you to passin' me?"
  • "Where did that little creature learn to drive an auto like that?"
  • "I hope mein mahti isn't watching, ja."
  • "Every time you pass me I cry inside."
  • "You embarrass Von Clutch with your swiftness."
  • "Ohhoho the shame of being passed. No shame!"
  • "Go ahead I'm just taking a breether."
  • "Where are you going? Comein back here you!"
  • "No, no, no. You go ahead I'll be there in a minute."
  • "Say hello to death and destruction when you get there, huh?"
  • "Okay you take the lead for awhile, ja?"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

  • "Ah! Watch where you are going, schweinhund!"
  • "Hey! You're breaking mein concentration!"
  • "Police! Police!"
  • "Achtaliba! That was quite enjoyable, ja?"
  • "Achtung! Meinell!"
  • "Is this the hardest you hit? Pathetic!"
  • "Haha! Ze violence is wonderful!"
  • "I'm driving here, dummkopf!"
  • "Ouch! You crushed mein pinkie toe! Poor pinkie..."
  • "Good thing I'm insured for that huh?"
  • "Ah! You bent mein thrustbender!"
  • "I drink off your pain like nectar! Hmmm tasty!"
  • "Dat was a close one!"
  • "The feeling of no control is nice, ja?"
  • "Achtaliba! Watch out!"
  • "Ja, ja, ja I almost hit you. So what?"
  • "Hahaha! That will keep you on your toes, ja?
  • "The near death experience is invigorating ja?"
  • "Achtung!"
  • "Who gave this dummkopf a license? The department of motor-dummkopfs?"
  • "I will deliver much pain und suffering upon you! Once I eat this strudel."
  • "Please, stop! It hurts mein feelings when you do that."
  • "And I'll do it again, you weissenheimer."
  • "BRACE FOR IMPACT! OK, forget it."
  • "Get out of mein way!"
  • "Achtung, dummkopf!"
  • "Hey, the autobahn is for racing, not walking! Sheesh!"
  • "Oh, pardon me, dummkopf."
  • "Ach! Missed another one! I must be getting soft, ja?"
  • "Oh I bet his heart is racing now ja?"
  • "Aw nuts! Meain tyres are thirsting for your body fluids."
  • "Stay there. I will be back to pummel you next lap."
  • "Out of my way, shiggelbruver!"
  • "We have ways of making you talk."
  • "We have to stop meeting like zis!"
  • "Hey! Don't you like high-velocity pain?"
  • "NO! Mein auto is kaput!"
  • "Mayday! Mayday! What do you mean there's not a parachute?"
  • "Eouch! My neckbones! She's smashed!"
  • "I hope zis qualifies for vocal compensation!" (Unsure about this one. He says it so fast!)
  • "What kind of craziness is this schweinhund?
  • "Ooh! I bruised mein pumpernickel."
  • "Uh-oh I sprang a leek in mein underpants."
  • "Does anyone have an adhesive medical bandage?"
  • "Shing! Stop zis crazy thing!"
  • "Schtop the spinning! Schtop the spinning!"
  • "I fall down and go boomenhaggin!"
  • "Now that hurts! Oh yeah hahaowww."
  • "Oww my monkey!"
  • "What kind of craziness is this?"
  • "Schweinhund!"

When brushing against a wall

  • "Hohh, I damaged mein spiterrivets."
  • "Incoming!!"
  • "Attack! Quick to your battlestations!"
  • "Ah, nothing a little shpitz of oil can fix, ja?"
  • "Achtaliba, I fixed that spot yesterday!"
  • "Ach! You bashed mein bratwurst!"
  • "I think this will come out with a little polish, ja?"
  • "Oh that was painful. Now I cry."
  • "Where is mein mechanic? Hello babisto!"
  • "Ouchie! That hurts me more than it hurts mein auto!"
  • "INCOMING!!"

When flying through the air

  • "Ja! This reminds me of the Hindenburg!"
  • "Wonderful!"
  • "Ho ho he ha. This reminds me of my Messerschmitt!"
  • "Hmmm. I wonder if we'll reach the English channel."
  • "Ze altitude! It's making me tingle! Hooo! Ting-le!"
  • "Sheesh! I hope Von Clutch remembers how to land."
  • "Ohhh! I'm a little bit airsick!"
  • "I fly through the air with the greatest of ease!"
  • "Look out below!"
  • "Like a bloated zeppelin, I float through the air da da da da da dee da da."
  • "Strorders! Another bag of peanuts please."
  • "Agh. The view is breath taking no? Anyveis?"

When attacking an opponent vehicle

  • "Ja, there's more where that came from dummkopf!"
  • "Heh heh heh heh, I throw the bomb and it goes boom!"
  • "You like Von Clutch's present for you, ja?"
  • "Oh a thousand pardons. Did it come out of me? He He!"
  • "Hooo! Von Clutch blitz through his strudel!"
  • "A spoon full of nitro makes my medicine go down!"
  • "Oh, you are quick like little monkey!"
  • "Do you love Von Clutch's present for you?"
  • "Oh pardon my shrapnel!"
  • "Fire in the hole!"
  • "Und zhere's more where that came from dummkopf!"

When destroying opponent vehicle

  • "Muzik. Nonstop. Dummkopf!"
  • "Mein skills are sharp like razor, ja?"
  • "Fahrn fahrn fahrn on ze autobahn!"
  • "I'm terribly sorry... NOT!"
  • "This is what happens when you play with fire und I'm a orange flame!"
  • "Oh how wonderful! Let's do it again ja?"
  • "Quick! Write down mein license plate!"
  • "Hoohoo! Don't do that at home, kiddes!"
  • "That was done on a closed track with a professional driver. Not!"
  • "Serves you right for getting my way!"
  • "It's my party und I'll destroy you if I want to!"
  • "Oh ja, look at you now, dummkopf!"
  • "Fahrn fahrn fahrn auf der autobahn!"
  • "It's my party, I'll destroy if I want to!"

When destroyed by opponent vehicle

  • "Achtaliba, mein auto is kaput!"
  • "Ohhh, nein. My putalogen is no longer putalaing!"
  • "Mein auto controls is haywire. Medic!"
  • "Somebody. Put mein auto out of its misery!"
  • "Hohh. My ability to mame you is dimished, ya?"
  • "Schweinhund!"
  • "Somebody call a taxi!"
  • "This is a long way to walk home."
  • "All is lost!"
  • "Abandon ship! Abandon ship."
  • "Hush, my precious. Time to sleep."

When hit by a weapon

  • "Ouch, you bruise mein strudel!"
  • "Hey, watch where you are aiming that thing!"
  • "Ack! Naughty, naughty, naughty!"
  • "Hey! I zought we were friends."
  • "Quick! Put on your gas mask!"
  • "Hey you! Dummkopf at the controls! Pay attention!"
  • "Wait, what is those crazy bells ringing in mein ears?"
  • "Hey! Do you know how much these vehicles cost dummkopf?"
  • "I'd like to buy a vowel. Whoops, wrong game.
  • "Ack! I've been sizzled like a sausage!"
  • "Why do you hurt Von Clutch dummkopf?"
  • "Ow! That schtings!"

When breaking a trackside target

  • "Smashing is good. Ja good."
  • "I hope there's a treat for Von Clutch in there!"
  • "Smashing is part of mein therapy. Honest.
  • "I wonder why it is impossible for me to open that gently? Oh well!"
  • "It's like cracking a hard little fizzlenut."
  • "I'm hoping something wonderful awaits me in there!"
  • "Big money, big money, big money!"
  • "Show Von Clutch's goodies!"
  • "Come to me, mein precious!"
  • "You see what you made me do schweinhund?"
  • "Von Clutch is a meister of breaking! Watch me break!"
  • "I break you open and taste your little kiskash."
  • "Umm, Coco did it."

When running over a park drone

  • "Here are your papers!"
  • "Von Clutch is terribly sorry! Nein!"
  • "Oh, Von Clutch is so sorry! Hee hee hee!"
  • "Sprachenzedouch?"
  • "Take THAT defenceless one!"
  • "I know that shouldn't feel good. But it does!"
  • "Oh, my most sincere apologies! Ha!"
  • "Pull the strings, pull the strings!"
  • "Hoo hoo! Just like a deer in the black forest!"
  • "Von Clutch giveth und Von Clutch taketh away."
  • "Say guden natch, schweinhund!"
  • "Who turned out your lights? Me!"

When clashing

  • "Hey! You got some venzer in mein putalogen! Or is my putalogen in your venzer? Hm."
  • Hey this is quite pleasurable ja?"
  • "What do you know? It fits!"
  • "Ja, ja, ja. Now to really wreck some havoc."
  • "Very lucky you are to merge with Von Clutch darling."
  • "Everyone wants to join with mein venzer ja?"
  • "More firepower, bigger wheels? Ahh, I'm in heaven!"
  • "Two weapons of mass destruction are better than one, ja?
  • "Look at the wasteful size of this contraption! Arnold, your heart out!"
  • "Together we will rule ze world!"
  • "Before we merge, I must have you sign this prenuptial agreement, ja?"
  • "Let's swat us some flies, ja?"

When declashing

  • "I'm sorry but you're not good enough."
  • "I know we're friends, but mein is an evil friend!"
  • "Back of the line for you, ja?"
  • "Perhaps some time alone would be good for us?"
  • "Zis is not working out between us, ja?"
  • "Und Von Clutch poms you for ze win!"
  • "Betrayal is just party of the game, ja?"
  • (Says something unintelligible in German.)
  • "Oh, and you have been faked out, ja?"
  • "Von Clutch makes his move!"

When picking up an item

  • "Oh I just love winning prizes!"
  • "Another goodie for mein goodiebag!"
  • "I wonder if zis is what Hanzel and Gretel felt like, ja?"
  • "Oooh! Another prize for Von Clutch! I'm such a good boy!"
  • "Zis prize is all mein. Sharings for sissies!"
  • "Hoohoo! I'm running out of room in mein pockets!"
  • "Cha-ching!"
  • "Now you know why I'm called a packrat."
  • "What shall I use this for I ask?"
  • "I told you we will live off the fruits of the land!"
  • "I have a special spot for zis! Right here!"
  • "Prizes for the prizemeister!"
  • "Oh I am tingling wis delight. At least I think that's delight."
  • "I will never let you go again!"
  • "I know I will find a place for you somewhere."
  • "You thought you could hide from me, huh?"
  • "Oh, zis beautiful sparkly will never be taken from me again."


When winning a race

Normal

  • "Who let the dogs out? Bark, bark, bark, bark."
  • "Time to say bye-bye to Von Clutch!
  • "Roll out ze barrel! I'm having a barrel of fun!"
  • "Beil und wieners for everyone."
  • "Of course, I'm precision German engineering! What else did you expect?"
  • "Zis was easier than that crazy time in France."
  • "I claim zis race for the motherland."
  • "Shower me with money und love."
  • "Why do you make me beat you? You like beating ja?"
  • "The shame is all yours! Enjoy it!"
  • "I revel in victory! Are you watching me reveling, ja?"
  • "Come on everyone, you should be happy! The best man won!"
  • "Wis zis victory, I name zis park after me! Again!"
  • "Well, it could've been worse! Cortex there could've won ja?"

Without being destroyed

  • "Haha! Nice try dummkopf!"
  • "Von Clutch is quick and oh so nimble."
  • "Your defenses are easier than the national line!"
  • "Naughty, naughty, naughty."
  • "Try again dummkopf!"
  • "Hoohoo, zat was pathetic dummkopf!"
  • "It's not that you are bad, it's that I'm so good!"
  • "Zhey missed me! That low-carb diet is working!"
  • "Nice try. You should get your glasses checked!"
  • "Heheheheh. Mein sister shoots better than you! And I don't have a sister!"
  • "Hmmm, it smells bad. Because your shooting stinks!"
  • "Keep going! Your breaking the law of averages!"

When losing a race

Normal

  • "Oh, I just know I'll get sent to the Russian front."
  • "Ahh, no apple dumplings for Von Clutch."
  • "Oh boy. I'll surely get sent to the starlight zis time ja."
  • "This is sad. I think I will cry now."
  • "I demand a recount!"
  • "Zis is a conspiracy to rob me of mein sausages! I just know it!"
  • "Zis should not happen to a cybernetic organism."
  • "Zis is surely a sad day for Germanic cyborg theme park promoters everywhere."
  • "Well it had to happen sooner or later, why couldn't it have been LATER?"
  • "Von Clutch is mortally wounded, but mein soul still burns."
  • "Where is mein sock monkey?" I must hug und cry into it."
  • "I must console myself with something to eat."

Without destroying anyone

  • "Shickpofa! I missed!"
  • "Ach, I want to hit him so bad I can taste it! Mm... not bad."
  • "Perhaps I shoot too soon ja?"
  • "Don't worry zhere's more where this came from!"
  • "Oh yeah? Next time I miss you worse! And scratch that."
  • "Silly schnitzel, I goofed!"
  • "I hoping the cameras miss zat embarrassing episode."
  • "Zis aiming contraption is kaputt!"
  • "Za Nordic gods must be so angry with me."
  • "Hey now! You're the fly, I am ze swatter!"
  • "Apparently he doesn't know that that missile was for HIM!"
  • "Comein back here und take your medicine, shweinhund!"

Unused

Set 1

  • "Von Clutch has arrived! Let ze celebrations begin!"
  • "It is lonely at the ze top, ja?"
  • "OK! Is mein parkside, yet? Aw..."
  • "OK, do I win the golden pretzel or what?"
  • "OK I'm here! Break out ze marmalade und ze fishing works."
  • "And not a minute to spare."
  • "That was, ja, good, enjoyable, ja?"
  • "Music non-stop, darling!!"
  • "Oh, thank heavens! Where's the rest room? I need to rest real bad."
  • "I'm just doing what I'm built for darling."
  • "I'm here! Where... is everybody?"
  • "Take me to your leader! Hahaha..."

Set 2

  • "Quicken ze pace! Quicken ze pace!"
  • "Schnell, schnell, dummkopf!"
  • "Faster! The cookoo clock is cookooing!"
  • "Turbo-thrusters! Where is mein turbo-thrusters?"
  • "Perhaps now is a good time to unveil my vengeance weapons, ja?"
  • "Oh no, I'm running out of gears!"
  • "We must lighten ze load! THROW AWAY ZE ENGINE!"
  • "I wish I hadn't stopped for strudel back there..."
  • "Quick! There is still a chance to win!"
  • "OK! Put some effort into it, dummkopf!"
  • "Hey, you at the controls! You are making me look bad!"
  • "We haven't a moment to spare. Schnell!"
  • "Hey, you at the controls! You are making me look bad!" (different delivery)

Set 3

  • "Oh, mein arthritis is acting up. I need a hot-tub midsum oil-lines, ja?"
  • "I wonder why Willie Wumpa Cheeks is acting so strange?"
  • "I hope Crash and Cortex don't win. I like living here and causing lots of pain."
  • "I would really like to gettn my helmet waxed when this is over with, ja?"
  • "I wonder where I can get me some nice sneakers like Crash Bandicoot?"
  • "Uh-oh! I have an appointment with mein psychotherapiist at high noon!"
  • "I feel weakn in ze knees. Oh, where's mein black power gem?"
  • "Now what was that recipe? Ah, one pig toe and seven goat lips! Or one goat lip and seven pig toes? Hm."
  • "Shar! Look at zis wonderland!"
  • "When is zis game over? Mein soap opera is on television soon!"
  • "Pasadena's a nice girl! I just wish she wasn't a parasitic rodent. Oh well."
  • "I wish nothing but happiness to all ze victims of my races!"